- Every parent dreams of having a self-assured child who can bravely navigate life.
- However, while this is for the best, children can become overconfident and almost selfish.
- Here are the signs to look out for, what to do to break the cycle, and teach your child healthy confidence.
Boosting your child’s self-esteem is the golden rule of modern parenting, and for good reason—they do better in school, have realistic expectations, are generally optimistic, and enjoy life more than those with low self-esteem.
They find it easier to manage conflict, deal with disappointment, make friends, and resist negative peer group pressure.
But has the well-intentioned boost in self-esteem turned into a relentless ego booster? Are we raising overconfident children who are out of sync with the challenges of the real world?
Here, we discuss what every parent should know about overconfident children and the changes you need to make to bring your children back down to earth.
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Overconfidence: the signs
Your child thinks they are pretty good, not a problem. They think they are superior, beware, experts warn.
“At their extreme, overconfident children show narcissistic tendencies,” says Professor Jean Twenge, author of generation me.
Studies show that these children have an inflated sense of self, lack humility and empathy, are vain and materialistic, and have an inflated sense of entitlement.
“On the playground, they are more likely to display antisocial behaviors such as bullying, being overly aggressive, controlling and dismissive of others,” says child psychologist Catherine Boland. “They have a lowered radar on how they see themselves and how their self-centeredness affects others.”
The impact
Beyond being the life of the party, being overconfident can be detrimental to your child’s well-being.
A recent study conducted at the University at Buffalo Graduate School of Education showed a clear connection between overconfident students and low reading comprehension, an essential component of learning.
“Overconfident children do not accurately assess their strengths and weaknesses,” says study author Professor Ming Ming Chiu.
For example, overconfident children will choose to read a difficult book, such as The Lord of the ringsand stop reading after a few pages.
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Conversely, self-aware students are more likely to choose an easier book, such as Harry potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. They’ll finish it, keep reading more books, and in the process build their comprehension and learning skills.
Overconfident teens, on the other hand, are more likely to describe themselves as “A” students when, in fact, they’re not, and are more likely to drop out of school because they think they’re smart enough already and don’t you have to study, says Twenge.
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These teens also don’t do well in relationships.
A recent study conducted at San Diego State University found that college students with overconfidence and narcissistic tendencies were more likely to experience a breakdown of their close relationships, had shorter relationships, lacked emotional warmth, exhibited gambling, and were dishonest. and controlling too much.
And, according to Boland, they don’t do well in the workplace because they lack essential employee skills, such as being able to delay gratification, accept criticism and empathize with others.
Overconfident children set highly unrealistic goals for themselves, which are often nothing more than delusional thoughts and can result in great disappointment.
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Breaking the cycle of overconfidence
“Teaching your child to empathize is the cornerstone of reversing overconfidence and raising a child who is grounded and confident,” says Boland.
It is important that your child knows how to identify and understand the feelings of others and how to tune in to another person’s emotional world.
Children who are comfortable with “It’s Not Just About Me” become adults who experience more successful and integrated relationships in the community, at work, and in their personal lives.
“Start by encouraging your child to see the world through someone else’s eyes,” suggests Boland.
It’s something you can do every day and it’s fun. For example, the next time you stand in line for ice cream, ask your children what the person behind the counter might see. Ask him what he might feel when people are impatient and rude.
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“Another essential component to breaking the cycle of overconfidence is to stop telling your kids that they’re ‘really special,'” advises Twenge.
Children are already self-centered enough. And while you’re at it, avoid non-specific and exaggerated praise. For example, if your child’s score on a math test was mediocre, don’t go overboard and tell him it’s amazing.
Your child knows when you’ve been average, and if you continue to praise him, he’ll think mediocrity is praiseworthy and “not doing much” deserves a gold star. He creates a distorted sense of entitlement and a child who is out of touch with the rest of the world.
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What is reality-based trust?
“A confident child has a strong sense of self-efficacy,” says Boland. “They feel competent and believe they have the resources to try something.”
It is a concept that they learn from the cradle. For example, when young children take their first steps, they try, fail, try again, fail again, and finally succeed.
Whether learning to read or tying her shoelaces, every time your child experiences competition, her confidence increases and she develops a healthy “can do” attitude based on a positive experience.
Your child develops confidence, not because you tell him that he is special, but because he feels competent with his ability.
BUILDING HEALTHY TRUST
The pros and cons
SET BOUNDARIES AND BOUNDARIES FOR YOUR CHILDREN
Many parents today feel guilty about working long hours, a contentious divorce, and/or a bitter custody battle and therefore give in to their children’s every whim as compensation. But ask yourself if you would rather be loved or raise a responsible child who doesn’t expect everything to be handed down.
DON’T FIGHT YOUR CHILD’S BATTLES
“Let your child have some experiences of failure, and focus on helping him develop coping skills,” Boland suggests.
For example, if your child failed an assignment, avoid putting the teacher down with something like, “Her teacher is hopeless. I’ll talk to the school about it and get her project noticed.”
Instead, teach your child a valuable life skill by encouraging him to use failure and feedback as an opportunity to learn.
Ask your child, “What were your teacher’s comments? Do you think your teacher’s comments are valid? Are the comments something you can use for your next assignment?”
Your child develops a healthy self-confidence based on his ability to accept feedback without taking it personally, and to solve problems and deal with challenging situations.
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DEALING WITH AN ATTITUDE OF OVERCONFIDENCE
Help your child deal with inflated beliefs about himself by paying attention to statements that indicate your child feels superior, lacks empathy, or feels entitled.
These are usually vague and wildly unrealistic goals like: ‘I’m so amazing. I’m going to be rich Famous. A rock star.” Don’t let them run out of challenges. Try: “Being a rich and famous rock star requires a lot of hard work, sacrifice, and discipline. Are you made for it? Do you have a plan? ”
Make your child a quiet achiever whose actions speak louder than words.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO USE PEER EVALUATION
Your child can use his classmates as a measuring stick to assess his strengths and weaknesses.
Encourage your child to ask simple questions like “Am I understanding the book as well as my classmates?” it can help you self-evaluate and allows you to set realistic and achievable goals to start a positive cycle of high motivation, healthy confidence and achievement.
PRAISE YOUR CHILD, BUT MAKE IT SPECIFIC AND HONEST
Focus on rewarding the process rather than the end result. For example, say, “You didn’t get 10 out of 10 on your assignment, but I noticed how much effort you put into your project. Well done. I’m proud of you.”
